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Hi all,

So my DDay was last June, however, it didn't quite end there as I found out who it was in January, then June everyone at work started talking about rumours of her and my partner. Really long story.

Myself and my partner agreed a fresh start and he will always encouraging me to ask questions but there's something inside me which thinks well is he still seeing her? Is he parked at the back of her house? (I'm aware of where she lives) Is he sleeping over at her house? Have they even stopped at all? Has he just got better at lying?

Is this normal? Because my mind seems so be sabotaging this fresh start, although I appreciate it's because of his actions that have made my mind attempt to 'protect me' from more pain.

Thank you.

[This message edited by Sophielou at 11:41 AM, Tuesday, August 4th]

Is this normal?

ABSOLUTELY! EVERY discovery sets us back to day ONE...so until ALL of the discovery is DONE...you will keep having questions for your mind to be able to get to the TRUTH. It SUCKS...big hairy gorilla balls SUCKS...but it is part of the healing process and thankfully it DOES get better .

For ME...it took a while for me to feel safe enough to take D off of the table...about 3 years after Dday. It took me 7 years before I felt I was completely healed from the trauma. Now that we are in our 13th year after Dday...life has been WONDERFUL !! Just like a person doesn't really KNOW what infidelity is like until they have actually experienced it...it is hard to express how AWESOME life can be on the OTHER side of infidelity...it is something only experience can bring .

You are still in that RAW stage...and EVERYTHING is probably still HURTING right now (((HUGS))). But I also hope you can feel some healing as well . Just keep moving FORWARD...one step at a time...and remember that three steps forward and two steps back is still PROGRESS !

Sophielou

Is this normal? Because my mind seems so be sabotaging this fresh start

This sounds very normal to me and I would not call it sabotage because your mind is trying to protect you with the information it now has. You had DDay in June then found out who it was in January and then had people at work talking about rumours in June so that is not one clean wound - it is repeated discovery and each new piece can make your brain go back to the beginning again.

Has he just got better at lying?

This question makes sense because once someone has lied your trust cannot just return because you both agreed to a fresh start - a fresh start needs safety evidence consistency and time - not just the wish to move forward. You are not crazy for wondering and simply reacting to having your reality shaken more than once and he needs to understand that reassurance is not only answering questions when you ask - it is living in a way that helps your body and mind slowly believe you are safe again.

I’m two years out from getting what WH says is the complete truth.

I still look at his location at times.

I still think about checking his computer history.

It takes a long time to get through those feelings.

His words may not mean much BUT his actions will tell you everything.

What is he doing to make you feel safe?