Dunoon (original poster new member #87581) posted at 11:10 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2026
Hi all, this is s very short update and I am really asking for help to handle this.
After a lot of talking and I pointing out ever shit thing she has ever done to me in away that she that left no excuse’s wriggling room.
I was very blunt about her as a person and how it has affected me during the years.
She’s now blaming me for destroying her!!
I pointed out to her that if me pointing out to you what you have done during our marriage has destroyed you, what the hell do you think it’s done to me over the years.
She saying she can’t live in this toxic atmosphere I told her it’s of her own making and if she can’t live with the truth of what’s she’s done she can pack a bag and feck off, about an hour later it’s all sweetness and light saying she’s worried about my mental health and we have got to stop doing this to each other
Honestly I’m at my wits end.
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 3:02 PM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2026
Thanks for the update, I Would suggest copying and pasting it to your original thread so it stays in one place, it will help us follow your progress. It will bump it back to the top of the forum.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 33 years
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:31 PM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2026
It doesn’t sound like she’s a stable person.
Maybe it’s time to consider leaving her.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
ButterflyInProgress ( member #87238) posted at 3:42 PM on Thursday, August 6th, 2026
Dunoon
She’s now blaming me for destroying her!!
This sounds like another reversal where she is making your reaction the problem instead of sitting with what caused the damage in the first place and if hearing the truth about what she did feels destructive to her then that should tell her something about the weight you have been carrying for years - you did not create that truth by naming it.
she’s worried about my mental health and we have got to stop doing this to each other
Please be careful with that wording because "doing this to each other" can quietly turn her choices and your pain into the same thing and they are not the same thing. You may need to step back from the repeated conversations for your own sanity but that does not mean pretending her actions did not happen or swallowing the blame so she can feel better and you are not at your wits end because you are weak - you are at your wits end because you are trying to make sense of years of damage while she keeps moving the focus back onto your reaction.
