SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My mother, now approaching 80, gave my daughter a very stylish necklace for her 18th birthday.

My Dad had given it to her in better times, pre- affair.

Just wait 45 years and the expensive gift will be ready for re-gifting.

Return to sender? Why accept that which just becomes another pain point (clearly already is)?

Nah, no more baggage received. I think you have enough at this point, dont you?

A gift? Hmmm…..trying to assuage the guilt IMO.

My take: she’s not trying to assuage guilt. She’s attempting to inflict it, or at minimum pain, with some success I fear.

Hey Ink,

I understand you were heading down the reconciliation route, and something shifted. I don't know the specifics – whether more facts came to light, you realized you couldn't live with the betrayal, or your wife wasn't a suitable partner for reconciliation.

So after outlining my missing context I've noticed more decisiveness in your comments since you made your stance. I think you're on the right path and doing the right thing.

Easier said than done, but I would either not respond or give a flippant response that rolls off your back.
Regardless of her motive, and we can all speculate, she's looking for a reaction. Don't give her one.
I'd probably text her something like:
"Thanks for the gift. For obvious reasons, I didn't get you anything. While it's appreciated, this isn't necessary moving forward. Hope you enjoyed your Easter."

This period of time does not define your life. I am sorry you are feeling heavy navigating your way out of infidelity.

My experience has been that joy, love, and happiness have come in ways and quantities never imagined. My life post infidelity has been very rewarding. I hope this is your experience also when what you are feeling now becomes a distant memory.

My experience has been that joy, love, and happiness have come in ways and quantities never imagined. My life post infidelity has been very rewarding. I hope this is your experience also when what you are feeling now becomes a distant memory.

Thanks, I needed to hear that.

Hi friend.

You have been invaluable to me here and I am sorry we are both here.
I do not have advice but I want to remind you that you are worthy, you have a life left to live ahead of you and you will see better days. I know it.

I think of you often and I hope that you continue on the healing journey and you remain unwavering on your path , I think it will take you somewhere great, you just can't see it yet!

Ink,

I see this a lot, and a common response is that it wasn’t a waste because for you it was good. I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. What I can offer is that you know you were authentic and invested in your family, and that there were good times, and you did the best you could. I don’t think it’s a waste because of an affair. False R is a waste. Your marriage prior the affair wasn’t. Everything comes to an end eventually. It’s not always how we want it to go. None of us wanted to find ourselves part of this community but we are here nonetheless. What matters is how we make the most of the hand that was given.

It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to say that you love her and never wanted this, and it’s ok to say love isn’t enough because she can’t be who you need her to be. Still hurts like hell.

This too shall pass.