Trying to heal after my wife's emotional affair with a coworker.

I found out June 1st. She got a whatsapp message from a coworker on a sunday, which I thought was odd. I looked. confronted her with screenshots—sexting, flirty messages, the works. She told him I knew before she apologized to me. Then she deleted everything.

She says she’s sorry. Says she wants to fix things. Says it was "just" sexting and feelings. No sex. As if that makes it easier to swallow.

He’s a senior at her job. She says he started it. The power imbalance is obvious, but she won’t call it harassment because "it was mutual." She won’t report him. Won’t leave the job. Still trying to manage the fallout instead of facing the full weight of it.

She sexted him from our bed. While I was downstairs. They went on a date—he put his hand on her leg and whispered everything he wanted to do to her. She swears nothing else happened beyond that. She lied and told me she was going out with friends from work.

I didn’t handle it well when I found out. I said awful things. I was emotionally abusive that night and the day after. I hate that part of the story too.

We’re on our second therapist now. She didn’t like the first one—said she felt like a villain. I’m on my third book about affairs and what comes after. She won’t read even one of them. Couldn’t even finish the book our first therapist gave us.

Now I can feel her wanting me to move on faster than I’m ready. Like I’m supposed to be done hurting on her timeline.

She’s saying all the right things—offering transparency, leaving her phone out, showing up for therapy. But gets angry when I'm randomly sad about what happened.

I’ve cried more than I ever thought I would. I’m still full of heartbreak, rage, nausea, and silence. I don’t know where to put any of it most days.

We have kids. A house. A whole life. But right now I just needed to put this somewhere that wasn’t inside me. Thanks for reading.

11 comments posted: Tuesday, August 5th, 2025