Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 11:20 PM on Monday, October 19th, 2026
BS here and I guarantee if roles were reversed he'd be going through the roof.
If it smells rotten - it usually is.
Let me bring this down to the lowest common denominator: He didn't want you to find out. And therein lies the problem. IF you aren't doing anything wrong, you don't give a rat's ass who knows. The fact that he's kept her his dirty little secret is a HUGE RED FLAG.
I wouldn't waste time talking to her - she's got her alibi/story down.
Now...reaching out to her spouse and sharing the info you have - totally appropriate. In fact, I highly encourage it. But if you choose this route, don't fire a warning shot (let on that you may do this) or they will have a funny way of talking you out of it, bullshitting you so much you question your own sanity, get their stories straight, delete any & all correspondences, any/all the above.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA
Married 2+ decades-2 adult children.
"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 12:49 AM on Tuesday, October 20th, 2026
My husband is not a deceitful person and he is very honest. When I asked him why he did it, he said because we had agreqed to be honest and communicate and that he wanted me to come to him directly instead of going behind his back.
Given the most charitable interpretation of this, he was having innocent clandestine conversations that he suspected you were checking. So he intentionally started deleting them to lead you on and hid his intentions from you for doing it. All that instead of just asking you outright if you were checking his phone and addressing head on whatever issue you might have with it.
That's not very honest thing to do, nor did he come to you directly when he perceived there might be an issue.
And that's using the most charitable interpretation.
[This message edited by Pogre at 12:51 AM, Tuesday, October 20th]
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
Ashamedandhopeless ( new member #86566) posted at 9:09 PM on Thursday, November 5th, 2026
I don’t really have a lot of advice other than I would definitely be suspicious. It’s a long story but my husband has basically done the same thing your husband says he is doing. My husband contacted an ex on multiple occasions. At first he said he only wanted someone to talk to. When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him talking to her he said he wouldn’t contact her again. However he did, as well as continually liking her photos on Facebook. When I questioned him about it he said he knew I was snooping on him and he wanted to catch me, so he claimed he was messaging her and liking her photos to catch me. I didn’t believe him then and I still don’t. She never responded in any way but I think that’s what he was wanting. He was deeply hurt and was looking for comfort. Thankfully we are past that (but in no way past the damage the affair has done). Anyway, I wish you well and genuinely hope there is nothing going on between them.
